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45. Zombie Conventions and Myths

45. Zombie Conventions and Myths

Sun Tzu said, “If you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.”

Zombies are your enemy and during the Zombie Apocalypse you will be their dietary staple. If you don’t want to end up as one of the restless dead you should arm yourself with as much knowledge as you can about their habits and some common conventions used to describe them. Let’s review briefly and then I’ll throw you over to the Zombie Initiative to study up.

1. Zombies are quite dead, so they don’t move very well.
2. Zombies move about in packs and can recognize other Zombies.
3. Zombies are as dumb as or slightly dumber than burnt toast.
4. Zombies eat the flesh of the living.
5. Zombies feel no pain.
6. Zombies are killed by destroying their brains.
7. Some Zombism can be cured by salt but those are Haitian Zombies which are entirely different ball of wax.
8. If you are bitten by a Zombie you will die and become a Zombie.

Here are a few more gems from the ZI,

Zombies have a very distinct behaviour. They are shambling, undextrous creatures with very poor sensory and motor functions. They do, however, have an ability to recognise other zombies. Theories as to how they do this are welcome, but this behaviour would certainly support the parasite theory in the mystery of zombification causes. Zombies may herd together, moving in large masses in search of the living. Zombies seek the living in order to feed upon their flesh. The reasons they do this are unclear, but zombies will persue and devour living flesh.

Zombies have very little intelligence beyond basic wandering around and pursuit of a perceived living creature. Residual knowledge of living tasks they were familiar with may remain, especially those things we as living creatures do less consciously (Like when you realize you’ve driven for 20 miles but have no recollection of the journey. What many may call being on Autopilot). Their attachments to people or places may also remain, but will not avert them from the baser compulsions. So a zombie would have no qualms about eating its kids, despite perhaps recognising them in some manner.

Zombies have almost no problem solving skills. Things such as the operation of door handles, locks or mechanical weapons will almost always be beyond them.

I would suggest taking a look at this forum, not only will you find quite a bit of information about the Zombie Apocalypse but you will also get a feeling for such esoteric topics as just how long Zombies live.

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